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Transcript:My Super Hero
version of the Opening Credits :['''Scene': 57 Linden Court, living room. Janet looks through a photo album, she turns her attention to George when he arrives and takes his helmet off, exhausted.]'' George: Sighs Well, the Italians shouldn't have any more trouble from Mount Vesuvius. Janet: Why, have you stopped it erupting? George: No, I've moved it into France. :looks mildly shocked George: What are you doing? Janet: Just looking at these photos from the Olympics. George: The Olympics, they were great, [Spots picture of himself as Thermoman standing on a podium next to two runners-up. '''Janet': I know, what was your time again? George: 0.3 seconds. nod, George seems slightly dissapointed I shouldn't have stopped to tie my shoe laces. Janet: You did the two hundred metres much faster. George: Yeah, well I was really flying by then. Janet: I think that's why the disqualified you. You're not allowed to fly. Still, you did well in the long jump. What's your new world record? George: Six miles. Janet: And as for the pole vault. George: Should have seen the look on that pilot's face. Janet, you don't think I hogged the Olympics, do you? Janet: What d'you mean hogged? George: Well, you know winning 79 gold medals, bit demoralising for everybody else, and the Americans were sick as pigs. Janet: You made the rest of the world very happy. George: looks pleased then sniffs Uh-oh, gotta go, animal in distress gets up. Janet: Yeah, well don't bring it back here, still clearing up after that Rhino. :['''Scene': The set of BBC programme Vets in Practise. A vet shows a boy an x-Ray of his dog.]'' Vet: So this is the X-Ray and as you can see he's got some big keys in his stomach so what we're gonna have to do... :arrives] Thermoman: past the cameraman Fear not, doggie, I'll soon have those keys melted. shoots two lightning like rays from his finger tips at the dog's stomach There we are, all better. alarm sounds Using my Thermovision I can see you have mor sick animals in the waiting room. Don't panic everyone, I'll cure those as well. out the room Man: Sorry about this, Freda. Vet: He's curing all the animals, we've only got enough for two episodes. Man: I know, we'll try and get some more. :to the BBC 10 o'Clock News intro circa 2001 and to the studio Presenter: Good evening, the popular television show Vets in Practise was axed today after Thermoman cured every sick animal in the country. He also cancelled Animal Hospital and Vet Rescue as the schedules are plunged into chaos by the Hero in a Helmet, or as Greg Dyke called him, "The Tit in Tights". Our media correspondent is Nick Hyam. Nick: [speaks as the intro for ''Watchdog plays]'' The TV crisis deepened today as Watchdog became yet another show affected by Thermoman. Anne Robinson: Thermoman has fixed all the washing machines, flown home every delayed holliday-maker, no-one's upset, nothing's wrong. Infact, the world is perfect. That's it up her piece of paper we're screwed. Nick: outside the [[BBC Television Centre].] Also gone is Crimewatch UK because there's no crime, Thermoman's solved it all and we've just heard, that 999 Lifesavers has also been axed. Nick Hyam, BBC News, at a very quiet television centre. Presenter: Not 999, that was paying for my kid's education. On ITV, production of London's Burning has been halted, because Thermoman's been putting out the fires. And the Jerry Springer show has also been cancelled, because he's terrible, and now other news. Unemployment rose today with Thermoman doing so many jobs, unemployment rose to just over 31 and a halfth million, the government described the figures as dissapointing. Woman: Make no mistake, this is a crisis, Thermoman has put more people out of work in the last 18 hours, than the Tories managed in 18 years. What right does Thermoman have to come down, and with his skin-tight suits, his powerful arms, his jutting jaw, more cheerful his scrupling six pack, and his bulging biceps. And, I'm sorry, what was the question? Presenter: Well, with the time at, oh who cares what the time is, that's the end of the news. And we've got no programmes to go to so, i've been asked to entertain you. [starts singing ''My Way by Frank Sinatra]'' And now, the end is here, and so I face... :turns the TV off and turns to an embarrased George in his thermosuit, she isn't amused. George: I was only trying to help. Janet: Maybe you should ease up a bit George. George: I can't Janet, the Superhero Code demands that I work to my utmost. The only way to stop it would be to leave Earth, and return to my own planet, which would mean leaving you Janet. doorbell rings Then nothing, nothing, nothing would make me leave you Janet. on his Thermohelmet and opens the door to reveal [[Mr. Blobby]] Mr. Blobby: in gibberish, translation following Thanks for getting rid of all that worthy nonsense on the box. The BBC has asked me and Noel back, we're going to be on every night! George: Bye Janet, I'll get my things. :looks shocked :End Category:Transcripts